Looking back over Mom Life--more to come, I need to get this out !
HI am looking back on my Mom's death and her gentleman friends Bill, Mom was Muriel and he was Bill. I had to move to their house in WV from Va as I was unable to work anymore due to all my health issues, so I moved as I could not support myself, It took over 3 years of grueling fighting and hearings etc...the judge told many lies and was finally asked to stop down from his office due to all his lies. The only thing that saved me was that I had contacted Shelly Moore Capito, the congresswoman and she stepped on, got me another honest hearing and finally I got it . It took a very long 3 and 1.2 yers and 1/3 of my back pay went to a lawyer who did very little, I did most of the work , not the lawyer. once I started receiving the SS it was not enough for me to live on my own. My Mom and Bill continued to become sicker and I ended up being a caregiver when I was disabled myself. It was so hard, and my brothers were very little help, I felt alot of resentment towards them for this, I needed them to take het to her Lymphoma treatments as I would be up for 3 days as she was manic for 3 days after, day and night. They each did one and after that they would not do anymore. It left Bill taking her and me wishing I could go, one day Bill asked her to get something out of the car and she got lost in the parking lot and was so scared, some nice folks were able to get her back into the doctors office and they found her. I told Bill to never, ever do that again. She was scard going to these treatments with on;y bill as at times she did not know him, and it would have been so much better if a family member could have been there, my bothers, well I hold alot of anger and resentment over this, just a few hours out of your day and I am doing it 24/7, no breaks up all night with mom as she had sun-downers where she was up all night and roaming around the house, I soon had to put alarms on the doors and look for all the time, I lost her in a snow storm once and bill came to help and he got stuck, there was no one to call out in a field of snow, so I laid my coat down on the ground to get her legs on it as they were numb. I then went over and finally got Bill unstuck and asked him to go get the car, and he trudged off to egt it,m I knew he was tired too, once he got the car and we were only around the corner but it was a large slanted road. SO he had to drive around the block and down to where she was. I let her stay on my coat and was very worried about her being so cold. Once we got her into the van then she went into a blood sugar drop and I has to rush in and get something to help her through it, she was shaking and sweaty and very out of it, but finally I was able to get her settled down. And at that point we just sat in the van for awhile till she felt better. This all started when I was going to walk my sisters dog we were watching, I went to the bathroom and told Mom to wait till I came out to walk him so I could go with her, when I am out she had already taken him out, and I could not find her anywhere and I finally found her int he back yard of a neighbors house and she was stuck and already freezing and getting numb. It was a very scary episode.
I am currently up for my social security review and now live in Va, not WV, and I called shelly moore capitos office and now it is on the senate side and the congressional side, the lady I talked to, Liz was not very helpful, I had called her sev months ago when I got the first form and she never called me back, then I called her 2 weeks ago and no response. SO I wrote a letter to Shelly's office telling them about Liz not caring and how serious this was for me, and put itin the mail. Well, after I pout it inot the mailbox Liz called and said she spoke to Jenny, the lady whom used to handle it for me and said to fill out the form and send it in, I had already put my letter in the mailbox and I just let it still go out as I wanted Shelly to read it and see that I was not getting the help I really needed with this. I also am going to try to call Monday and try to talk to Jenny, she was very good at helping me and she usually made a call to SS and I would get a letter telling me they were not going to do a review at this time. I can not lose my disability, it would be awful, Presently I am living with my sister as I can not afford to live on my own and it affects how I eat as I do not feel comfortable here cook and there is not alot of room to keep stuff in the fridge. I eat alot of lean cuisine etc when I should be eating salads etc...I am just lucky my sister is allowing me to live here as otherwise I would be homeless. It was so ahrd to have to move from WV to Va, as I had made some good fiends there and it was all just ripped out from under me, Va it is not so easy to make friends and I get very lonely and bored, no one to talk to. I joined the red hatters group, not one close to me so I have to travel a bit to go to the functions. My sister has a very full life which makes it even harder as I so wish I know people around here like she did and my ability to get out alot is so limited. The time taking care of my Momand bill was so hard, he had full abdominal surgery every single yer as he had this mesh and it would get infected and every 9 months it would rupture and spew pus, g=blood etc all over the place and I had to deal with this by myself. I asked my Mom to being the phone an she brought me 3 remote controls, did not know what a phone was. that was the alzheimer's. It is so much more then just memory issues, you could not believe it. She forgot how to wipe herarlf after going to the bathroom, she would dress by putting on her shirt and the her bra. And she always wanted to go home even though it was her home, she oacked bags constantly to leave and I had to start piling them on a couch as I did not have the time yo keep unpacking them. She did not know where the bathroom was. He gentleman friend was a real sob, and he did not treat her well, he would tell her to go get something eat and she did not know how to do that, he was a real jerk and it was making my even harder.
I was making all the meals, dispensing pills, taking them to all Doc appts, and doing the home care that need to be done, at the same time trying to reason with Mom about all kinds of things, she in her time was very political and she would pack as she said Sarah Palin needed her to come to Alaska to help her, and she would get all dressed up ready to go and no one was taking her. I think I should have taken f=hoer for a ride and then said how much Sarah enjoyed her help, hoping she would think she did some stuff. She would say things that I had a very hard time answering. I felt so helpless at times. One night she came out and asked me where the other kids were, her childhood siblings and I said well they are all asleep and then she asked who the man in her bed was and I said that was Bill and she said who is Bill, so I had to set up a bed in the living room so she would not have to sleep with a strange man in her bed. She came in a told meand told him she needed to go to bed. He didn't have much to say so that was that. did better with that, but Bill would watch TV till late and she needed to go to bed, one night she came in my room and told me she really wanted to go to bed, so I went out, picked up the remote and turned the tv off, and he did not say much. I had started tucking her in at night, making her feel loved and she was alot like a little girl, then he started doing it and I was like you idiot, he wanted everyone to think he did all this stuff for her, so I just kept doing it and he would come along behind me and do it too...ugh..I bouhgt her some new PJ's and she just loved them, nice clean bed and fresh PJ;s, nice and snugly. I wish I had had more training of some kind that would gave given me some insight as to what I was going to be dealing with,at times she would get very upset about not being able to go home, I told bill, next time we will tell her the plumbing wasn't working and we had to wit for it to be fixed. I was so sorry later that I did not handle many circumstances the way I wish I could have. I got frustrated and angry and I was always on the verge of a break down....tears and more tears...each day was new, as you never knew where her mind would be on any given day, She would constantly ask for Mom and Dad, and I had to tell her they had passed and she got so upset thinking she did not go the their funeral, AI st her down one day and told her I would never tell her they had passed again as it was just to hard on her and me, they would just be out at the store etc...she did not asks for them as often and when she was in the home the last month of her life she asked and she said I guess they are gone....it broke my heart, I so hope they were the first people she saw when she went o heaven.
One day Mom had a hair appt and she left and cm back and said she could not find that place, that is when I knew it was getting to the pit where she could not drive anymore, and she seemed to know this as she never tried again, I now this was so very scary for her, to get lost in your own small town neighborhood, I was so thankful she was able to get back home at all.
She developed the Lymphoma along side the Alzheimer's, and it was pretty hard on her. She told her friend and siblings. And as time went by she declined more and more. I have so much anger towards my brothers for not healing more, they could not out up with Bill for a few hours to give me a friggin break, one day my oldest brother came and took her out to lunch, I had to get up early, clean her up, dress her etc..and then they came back after 2 hour, I was like really, one hour...I thought they would take her for the day, maybe shopping or out for a drive or something, one hour, was to even Worth it for me. I could not believe it. I love my Mom dearly and I miss her so much, she was a very good Peron, strong moral, values and honest and a good person.but caregivers are supposed to get breaks, I was so burnt out, I was always so scared I would mess uo their mes or something else really bad, night and day,most people have help from their family. My sister would come on the week ends as she was still working but I still had to do meds etc, but st least it got her out and away from there house. I wish my brothers could have stayed there and given me some kind of break or tken her to their home for a day or do. No breaks, all on my shoulders, I walked around like a Zombie.
I am currently up for my social security review and now live in Va, not WV, and I called shelly moore capitos office and now it is on the senate side and the congressional side, the lady I talked to, Liz was not very helpful, I had called her sev months ago when I got the first form and she never called me back, then I called her 2 weeks ago and no response. SO I wrote a letter to Shelly's office telling them about Liz not caring and how serious this was for me, and put itin the mail. Well, after I pout it inot the mailbox Liz called and said she spoke to Jenny, the lady whom used to handle it for me and said to fill out the form and send it in, I had already put my letter in the mailbox and I just let it still go out as I wanted Shelly to read it and see that I was not getting the help I really needed with this. I also am going to try to call Monday and try to talk to Jenny, she was very good at helping me and she usually made a call to SS and I would get a letter telling me they were not going to do a review at this time. I can not lose my disability, it would be awful, Presently I am living with my sister as I can not afford to live on my own and it affects how I eat as I do not feel comfortable here cook and there is not alot of room to keep stuff in the fridge. I eat alot of lean cuisine etc when I should be eating salads etc...I am just lucky my sister is allowing me to live here as otherwise I would be homeless. It was so ahrd to have to move from WV to Va, as I had made some good fiends there and it was all just ripped out from under me, Va it is not so easy to make friends and I get very lonely and bored, no one to talk to. I joined the red hatters group, not one close to me so I have to travel a bit to go to the functions. My sister has a very full life which makes it even harder as I so wish I know people around here like she did and my ability to get out alot is so limited. The time taking care of my Momand bill was so hard, he had full abdominal surgery every single yer as he had this mesh and it would get infected and every 9 months it would rupture and spew pus, g=blood etc all over the place and I had to deal with this by myself. I asked my Mom to being the phone an she brought me 3 remote controls, did not know what a phone was. that was the alzheimer's. It is so much more then just memory issues, you could not believe it. She forgot how to wipe herarlf after going to the bathroom, she would dress by putting on her shirt and the her bra. And she always wanted to go home even though it was her home, she oacked bags constantly to leave and I had to start piling them on a couch as I did not have the time yo keep unpacking them. She did not know where the bathroom was. He gentleman friend was a real sob, and he did not treat her well, he would tell her to go get something eat and she did not know how to do that, he was a real jerk and it was making my even harder.
I was making all the meals, dispensing pills, taking them to all Doc appts, and doing the home care that need to be done, at the same time trying to reason with Mom about all kinds of things, she in her time was very political and she would pack as she said Sarah Palin needed her to come to Alaska to help her, and she would get all dressed up ready to go and no one was taking her. I think I should have taken f=hoer for a ride and then said how much Sarah enjoyed her help, hoping she would think she did some stuff. She would say things that I had a very hard time answering. I felt so helpless at times. One night she came out and asked me where the other kids were, her childhood siblings and I said well they are all asleep and then she asked who the man in her bed was and I said that was Bill and she said who is Bill, so I had to set up a bed in the living room so she would not have to sleep with a strange man in her bed. She came in a told meand told him she needed to go to bed. He didn't have much to say so that was that. did better with that, but Bill would watch TV till late and she needed to go to bed, one night she came in my room and told me she really wanted to go to bed, so I went out, picked up the remote and turned the tv off, and he did not say much. I had started tucking her in at night, making her feel loved and she was alot like a little girl, then he started doing it and I was like you idiot, he wanted everyone to think he did all this stuff for her, so I just kept doing it and he would come along behind me and do it too...ugh..I bouhgt her some new PJ's and she just loved them, nice clean bed and fresh PJ;s, nice and snugly. I wish I had had more training of some kind that would gave given me some insight as to what I was going to be dealing with,at times she would get very upset about not being able to go home, I told bill, next time we will tell her the plumbing wasn't working and we had to wit for it to be fixed. I was so sorry later that I did not handle many circumstances the way I wish I could have. I got frustrated and angry and I was always on the verge of a break down....tears and more tears...each day was new, as you never knew where her mind would be on any given day, She would constantly ask for Mom and Dad, and I had to tell her they had passed and she got so upset thinking she did not go the their funeral, AI st her down one day and told her I would never tell her they had passed again as it was just to hard on her and me, they would just be out at the store etc...she did not asks for them as often and when she was in the home the last month of her life she asked and she said I guess they are gone....it broke my heart, I so hope they were the first people she saw when she went o heaven.
One day Mom had a hair appt and she left and cm back and said she could not find that place, that is when I knew it was getting to the pit where she could not drive anymore, and she seemed to know this as she never tried again, I now this was so very scary for her, to get lost in your own small town neighborhood, I was so thankful she was able to get back home at all.
She developed the Lymphoma along side the Alzheimer's, and it was pretty hard on her. She told her friend and siblings. And as time went by she declined more and more. I have so much anger towards my brothers for not healing more, they could not out up with Bill for a few hours to give me a friggin break, one day my oldest brother came and took her out to lunch, I had to get up early, clean her up, dress her etc..and then they came back after 2 hour, I was like really, one hour...I thought they would take her for the day, maybe shopping or out for a drive or something, one hour, was to even Worth it for me. I could not believe it. I love my Mom dearly and I miss her so much, she was a very good Peron, strong moral, values and honest and a good person.but caregivers are supposed to get breaks, I was so burnt out, I was always so scared I would mess uo their mes or something else really bad, night and day,most people have help from their family. My sister would come on the week ends as she was still working but I still had to do meds etc, but st least it got her out and away from there house. I wish my brothers could have stayed there and given me some kind of break or tken her to their home for a day or do. No breaks, all on my shoulders, I walked around like a Zombie.
posted by wildblue01 @ 3:07 AM
0 comments
