Who says they love, but cares not for your safety? Who can see you have no food and doesn't buy you
groceries? Who see's your pain but wont talk to you about it, wont be there emotionally for you ? Who
blames you for being raped?...Who wont let you cry when you need to cry? Who only does with you what
they want to do, not what you want to do, ever? Who lies to you about the future ? Who uses you for their
own satisfaction ?...Never doing what you want to do and only doing what you both want to do ? Who
could not stand on their own 2 feet for just one year? All I asked for was one year, and you failed that
test....Who expects you to not be upset when you have lost so much?...I was the fool, not he. Why did we
meet, why did he enter my life, why did I not be able to walk away, he held me in an emotional trap. Why
was this allowed to happen.Why was I not stronger and not see it for what it was.
My life was so messed up, we never had a chance, he did not ever trust me fully as he would never
complete the act fully. He pulled out every time and I was on the pill. You really thought that would keep
em from getting pregnant, what stopped that was the pill, not your stupid pull outs, and you what, thought
I would trick you by saying I was pregnant, even after 12 years ???..what kind of man does that, not a
man a boy, a little boy with stupid ideas. It was a way to punish me, think you were keeping em from
tricking you...what was that. you knew I was on the pill for ovarian cyst issues. You must have found it felt
good to your self and not once did you ever think of me. Do you know that in 12 years you never not did
that. Really??? If it was so important what was wrong with a condom? You always took care of me and
that was great but this, this was at a very personal level and you would not talk to me about it, what is
that, head in the sand, call you the sand man, going through life with your head in the sand. You saw I
had to move out at 17 cause my father tried to punch me in the face cause I was with you next door, yes
just next door, and I was met the next day by him and he attacked me and I had to move out. Did you
help me with anything, No you did not. I had no furniture, I had to use cinder blocks, and thrown away
mattresses piled on top of each other for a bed. Left with my cloths and my art work, My art work was
stolen the first night we left our stuff there, I was devastated but you didn't give a crap. Did you once see
any food in that apartment, never. I was never able to buy groceries, never able to have food. When you
took me out to eat that was my on meals, and other then that how did you think I ate. 3 days or more with
out food, just 15 cent Pepsi's from work. If I brought home left overs Cornell at them while he did his
drugs. Why was I so stupid, I could had had anyone, but why did I stay with you, and then after 12 years
you left me for a married woman you had been seeing for 2 years, if I had dated a married man you
would have had a cow. Amazing. I guess that was what I for got having you move out on your own and
ask you to spend one year on your own before we married. What an eye opener. You had no idea where
the food in your home fridge came from, it was always just there and all you had to do was go home and
you had anything you wanted. I guess that was how it was supposed to be in a family, but maybe I was
more jealous then anything, cause I didn't have that, I had no one to help me anytime with anything, not
even you. But I was also hungry too. I would have thought you would have helped me more. Why was I
so stupid, why could I not see how selfish you were then. You would spend money as long as you were
there on a date but I never in 12 years asked you for one dime of your money, never. If I needed money I
did what I had to do to get it and at times you would have not liked it, but you never stepped up and
helped me so what was I supposed to do. You gad saved money all this time for us to have a home and
then she gets it all. It should have been half mine, is only we had married I would have had half of it.
Guess that was the plan all along, never share what you have with anyone, no matter how bad off they
were, is that what someone long ago taught you, your name comes through now loud and clear.
And you were not any wiser as you would have seen the trap this women set for you, she saw you, and
she knew what a great catch you would be, a father for her kids and husband earning money and who
she could make you feel like you were so need and so wonderful and all those little eyes with hero
worship in them. Well , looks like she won, she trapped you without you even realizing it, fooling yourself,
thinking we are just friends and all along you were seeing a married woman, who trapped you into
marriage. I could have told you I was pregnant and tricked you as well but why would I want to trick you
into marriage if you wanted her. It appears that it all worked out really well for you and me I never met
anyone who loved me enough or who could be loyal to me and I never allowed anyone to get that close
to me ever again. The marriage proposals came alot, but way to soon, 3 months, I don't think so, I can
not know you in 3 months nor you me. And then one guy married anther lady 2 weeks later after asking
me, really??..I guess I am better off alone but it sure would be nice to have someone I trusted and loved
in my life, but that is not going to ever happen, never. I do not think it happen very often anymore, people
are so very different now. You were so good until you went to work around all the guys and they changed
you, they ruined you into becoming someone you were not. They wanted you to be with another , not
me. And then when you moved out you changed even more, Rube told you stuff as well. It was along
time ago for some reason it continues to bother me and I am not rue why, so I am writing all this and maybe one day I can figure out why, I guess cause I trusted you and trust for me was broken along time ago.
